Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
