First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
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