I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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