I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
