matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
