come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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