im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
