maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
