just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
