i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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