Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
