Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
