I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
