And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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