I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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