These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
