Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
