Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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