My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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