Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
