Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
