I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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