so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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