i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
