I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
