before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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