The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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