Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think your dad took our porno
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
