all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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