i just google imaged poop.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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