note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
