so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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