i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
