so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
