I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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