I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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