the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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