He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
is wine microwaveable?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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