yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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