Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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