Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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