i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
