I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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