Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
