Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize