Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
