i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Text me some of your sweat
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
