So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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