Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
