You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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