best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
