One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
