T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
