didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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