real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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