it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
