I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize