Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
