just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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