ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Only a mothe r could love this liver
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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