i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
