i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
40s are totally the cure
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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