In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
