yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
