i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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