someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
