Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
