no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize