Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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