You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
