i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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