New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
