I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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