My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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