"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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