i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
