Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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