Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
