well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
