You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
