why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
