Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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