Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
