I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
