when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
