So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
