I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
