Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my shit smells like andre
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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