covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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