Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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