Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
