I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We are two peas in an std pod
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
