Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
