you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
