You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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