I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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