why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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